Feeling a Tad bit Merry ;)

So things have been recovering nicely, and progressively getting better…I’m caught up mentally physically spiritually, and Christmas shopping is done. Yeahhh

Also, laundry done, hair dyed, nails did and NOT SICK, FUCK YAAA!!! Hahaha, coming from a person who’s been sick TWiCE in the past 2 weeks. Brutality!!

I think the most significant thing I could write about right now, is that I am an ametuer escort who just landed her first job, say, a month and a half ago. I was stoked, and I worked as much as I could at first, under the agreement that we would go about and find out what worked for me in terms of how many shifts/days per week I could work etc. even though I have a pretty open schedule in life It came down to how much I could mentally physically spiritually handle working per week/month.

And after that first month of working 6 or 5 days a week I came to the conclusion that  it would best for me to work one month on one month off. But since  thats not really reasonable and kind of crazy, I think 3 or 4 days a week would be plenty. I definately went a little hard on myself like i usally do. I could even be okay with working 2 or 3 because Im not greedy, and I value my health and sanity over money and wealth any fucking day of the week.

I’m soo happy to be off until the new year. I was a good girl and saved.

I think in the new yaer I’m going to buy myself a bicycle and do some exploring of this city. Hell, it’s a beautiful city and it would be a shame to have moved here just to hermit out in an apartment and not check out all the beaches and forests and mountains!! and did I say beaches!?! Lovely just lovely the opoortunities when not blinded and anchored by a drug.

Speaking of drugs, yep I lost another fiend, I mean friend, and gained another old friend that resurfaced and is moving back to the mainland. YAY! Glad to have a real motha fucka back, and to have shed a shady mofucka. Lucky girl I am, i love karma.

Karma serves me good, take the bad with the good, good ryhmes with should, and I’m a hellava rhymer. o crap i smoked some weed. LoVe XoxoxoxXoxoxox

Love all you lovers Xo

Happy holidays ho ho hos

Hello lovers So I’m finally feeling back to normal. Normal! LOL. Thats a joke. But anyways, I’m my throat is all better and my head is not acheing so I’m good to go! It’s been a good few days at work, with only one incident…that I don’t really want to get into…but anyways! I went out for a drink with my sexy boss last night which was just what I needed. My social life has really been suffering (not that it was so fabulous before) but what I mean is with the hours I work it’s difficult to plan with friends or even just muster up the energy to want to socialize, and not just fall onto my bed and watch tv until the wee hours. So it was nice to get out a little last night. I also got to go out with my girlfriend on Friday and have some much needed girl time and talk about all the shit I’ve been doing. Because yes some of you were right, drugs are a part of the escorting life style and I have been using here and there. But it’s a novely thing, and I’m sure the novelty will wear thin soon enough. and it already is.

And one thing I do know is that I don’t enjoy doing blow. Well it’s weird, I do and I don’t. I guess it depends on the situation, and I really only enjoy doing a little, not a lot, like a whole night bender, that shit is way too hard on my system. I really only enjoy doing it with another girl, and in a fun social situation, like it’s fun to do duos with some blow to make it more exciting, but other than that, the drug is kinda lame, and expensive.

But my real pressing issue thats been kind of getting to me, and the one thing I must tell you is I have mainly been working by myself, and I’m getting pretty lonely…I wish there was another girl here working with me. It’s funny cuz I have always enjoyed my own company and working alone…but I guess too much of a “good” thing is enough for me…I want company dammit! Lol. It’s fun having another girl to work with, and gossip with and talk shit about the men we take money from hahaha. So I mentioned this to the bosses (well not the gory details) and hopefully there will be another girl here soon. I hope. For my sanity’s sake.

Anyways… time for me to eat my dinner and chill for a bit before my next booking.

LoVe xoxoxo

Things have changed…

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking…and praying, and talking with people and I have decided against escorting. I’ve done so much thinking even typing the word makes me feel ill. And after that horrible date the other night, and all the awful things he said to me…I’ve been trying to not let it affect me, but still I feel like a loser.

I know that he knows nothing about me, and that I am not what he says I am, but still I do have a past, and I can only imagine what it would feel like in 10 years from now, looking back and knowing that I had a choice and I chose the dark path. And that is what that choice would be. I mean, the money is very, very tempting for me. Like I mentioned before, I have always lived in poverty, and never had a comfortable amount of money. But in the past few months, some of the men I have encountered have made me feel a level of disgust that being poor doesn’t even compare to. So that being said, I am choosing the route of less money, but more internal comfort. I want to be able to be proud of what I do, even if it is something simple like working in a tanning salon, or as a waitress. I want to feel comfortable  talking about my life with my grandma, and one day with my children and husband.

So that’s my big update, and it feels good to write. All my life I have feared judgement, because words cut deep for me, especially the hurtful words of others…and still at this age words hurt me…even if they are from a stranger. I have always been ambitious though, and courageous, meaning I am always willing to better myself, try harder, and do things even though I may feel weak.

I know I was writing before that being that girl is something I have always fantasized about, and dreamed about and I think that is where that shall remain. Because being that girl in real life may not be as glamorous or as sexy and desireable as I would like to think…and hopefully I will be okay with that. In fact, I know I will be okay with that! Life as I see it is about lessons and growth, and what I think is concrete one day may be demolished the next! (Looking out my window at the building being demolished seems like a perfect analogy:) So ya, I guess that chapter of my life is slowly closing, and I am learning the value of a dollar and some hard but integral work. Thank you for reading, and I am certainly open to any feedback and thoughts.