Tonight…

Well tonight was a big one for me…I admitted to myself that I have a problem. Now I don’t even know if I can admit it here on my blog, but atleast I admitted to myself. And so I came home and started doing a little research, and I guess that’s the first step to me, is just bringing it out in my mind that it is a problem. I may expand on this more later…

On another note, I have a date for Sunday I think! I’m really excited, this guy is looking for exactly what I am looking for…dates a few times per month, and what’s nice about him is that he’s very upfront and particular about what he offers and what he’s looking for in terms of time and money, which is nice. He was the first to bring up money, which is always uncomfortable to bring up as a woman and so it’s really nice when a man just asks or offers outright instead of making it that much more difficult. If he just says it outright it saves everyone from looking bad, or making it seem like a transaction, and instead of putting the woman in the position of having to ask, which is wrong in my opinion. A man should take the initiative with the money transaction, because first of all, he is the one with the money, and second of all, he ultimately decides how much he will give and what he wants in return for that money. So unless a man just likes making a woman feel lesser than him, or making her beg or whatever fucking power trip some men  like to go on, a real man would just put it out there, and make a woman feel like she’s worthwhile, and that the money that she is worth is not even a problem to him at all, and that he is more than happy to take care of her.

That’s my rant about that! Haha! So I’m just very appreciative of this guy for being straight up. It’s all I can ask for, especially when just meeting someone. It sucks putting in a bunch of time and energy getting to know someone, and them knowing what you are expecting to some degree, only for them to be wasting your time. Thank you Seeking Arrangement! Good times! Well wish me luck on my date! And I will surely post an update after it happens.

As for my spiritual well being, I have begun praying again, and I find this to actually be very important in my life. I stopped praying for the past couple months, and I found myself drinking more and more, and feeling less and less in touch with myself and my direction in life. So I guess that’s what I really find useful and practical about prayer is that it helps me sum things up, and allows me the time and focus to reflect on what I’ve been up to during my day, and if I had been accomplishing any of my goals, I get a change to put out there into the universe what I desire, I get to ask for what I need, and in turn I may come up with solutions to whatevers going on for me, and I put out positive affirmations. That’s what prayer does for me, and I’m glad to be practicing it again, even if it is just at night. Hopefully I’ll start doing some meditation is my days soon. I need to start getting up earlier to do that though I think. Noon just doesn’t leave me enough time in a day.

Well it’s nice to be introducing myself a little bit, even though I don’t think anyones following me yet. Update tomorrow.

My first post…

Hey, So I’m really excited to finally be online, sharing my writing with the world. Now I realize at this time I probably don’t have any followers, and that’s okay because it takes the stress off me and allows me to write freely, until I get used to the fact I’m posting my innermost thoughts and experiences with the world, no big D.

So I know this is kind of just starting off with no background of me, but I’m not gonna start writing about all my past history right now because that would be really boring for me and that’s not why I’m here. I’m sure it will all get filled in over time, and you can kind of take a guess by reading my Intro, or whatever that paragraph is up above!

I’ll start out by letting you know I’ve picked up my account again on Seeking Arrangment, yep I’m trying to find myself a sugar daddy. For me, I’ve never had much money, I’ve never been spoiled by a man, and never lived the easy life of luxury and shopping like nothing matters and spending money frivolously. And it’s not like that’s all that I want, I do want the relationship part of it too. But I just think it’s an interesting adventure and hey, I’m single, I’m young why the F not, right?!?! I think it is pretty much every girls dream to be swept up off her feet by a nice rich man and wined and dined and given a little extra spending money to do as she pleases, I mean comon who wouldn’t love that. So ya I’m giving that another go. The last date I went on the guy fell in love with me and wanted me to commit to a serious relationship after the first date. He’s like but I need to have babies soon and I was like BLOCK AND DELETE. No haha he actually blocked me. But whatever. SO I’m giving it another go…wish me luck!

On another note, I was chatting with my grandma on the phone, who is amazing and we were talking about my cousin who we suspect is using drugs…and totally fucking with his mom and grandma and the family and being all fucked and so we were talking about how since I went through addiction and my mother and my family have been through dealing with me when I was in the worst of it, if they would reach out to us because it always helps to ask someone who’s been through it to share their wisdom and insight…or just what worked for them. It’s always the best to include people and ask for help, rather then trying to do things alone.

And this conversation sparked a whole bunch of other chatting about how I’m learning to give back and help other young girls in need and in addiction before it gets to bad and the worst, leads to death, and that would be awful. So that is my dream, and so we were talking and she said how I am blessed with insight, and she’s right I feel so grateful to have this gift of insight that I hope to channel and use to help people! And it is so much easier to start with the help of someone else, and this conversation was so inspiring that I asked my grama is she’d like to start a blog with me, and so ya! Once that’s up and running, I will post the link to it here, on my personal blog.

Anyway, that’s a sneak peek on that, and a little introduction to me. I’m super excited to be starting my own blog. I’ve been nervous and shy to so it for so long, and my computer skills are just starting to get good. I could honestly never even write on the computer before, not because of my typing skills but I would just get writers block when I would start a work document, but I could write like hell in a diary with pen and ink. I’ve filled up more then a dozen tablets I assume. Good times, bad times, horrible times and schemes and dreams and letters and all sorts of shite. Yeah I love writing, it’s always been a part of me and is becoming more and more of a thing for me, I would like to one day use my writing to help people, guide people, answer questions or brainstorm and find answers and simply just write beautiful things that make you feel good. The internet is such a big place, it’s  intimidating but so exciting! Thanks for reading my first post.