A deeper kind of Happiness

So yes the holidays are over. Thank god. Now I’m done with being lazy, eating chocolate and just eating eating for every occasion, being so self indulgent with wine drinking and smoking joints and wasting money on other things I shouldn’t be 😉

So now I ask myself, where is my deeper kind of happiness? I know it’s there, easily forgotten or tuned out, putting too much value on the things that come and go so easily, the small things, the things easily gained and lost. I want to be tuned in to my purpose, my inner values and my inner peace. It seems silly but I find this when I go to the gym.

Thats my thing now. Is I need to be saying no to the easy way and push myself to do the thing that feels more amazing than heroin and costs barely anything. The gym. I love it. This year is going to be good. Great, even. I know this sounds super cliche probably seeing as how its January 2nd and I’m vowing that the gym is my god this year. LOL

I’m finaly back at work on sunday so that should be good.

LoVe Xoxoxo

all we gotta do is try, baby, try

So Things have been pretty dark and gloomy lately, and not only that, but stagnant. I’ve been self-indulgent and neglecting my real well-being, by just fulfilling myself with junk and being a lazy b*tch. And today I finally had enough. And with a little guilt trip from my beautiful mother, I stood my ground and cut my own hours to something manageable, which didn’t go over so well at first with the boys, but it’s the way it has to be for me to enjoy my sanity as well as have a good attitude at work. Not only did I acheive that goal, which felt wonderful, but I threw on my gym clothes and hit the illiptical for half hour then i treated myself with a swim and hot tub for the following hour and half…now I feel truly wonderful, and revived. I feel human again. I didn’t really see how I was digging myself a hole slowly until i finally got out of it. I feel so good, drug free, got some energy from the gym, and got my dopamine flowing in a natural, healthy way…and I feel back on track. It’s good.

I always tell myself after a workout how important it is for me to do this weekly..and somehow I always slip, I always think the easier, softer way will make me feel better, and that it’s better to be lazy and eating junk food and fulfilling myself with unhealthy sh*t. So silly…when will I learn for good damnit?!?!? Silly human brain, gad I frustrate me sometimes. It seems like I repeat the same mistakes alot, like 2 steps forward, one step back type of thing, but when I look back on where I was last year I really have made a lot of changes and learned a lot from my mistakes. So I guess this is just perfecting the madness and I am only in my twenties and I believe this decade is for making mistakes and figuring out who the hell we are and how we would like to live and be. And sometimes that is just not a pretty sight. Haha.

Anyways, now that I’m feeling human again, I guess it’s time to start stressing out about the upcoming holidays and christmas shopping and all that jazz. It’s times like these where I wish I drove. Damnit. LOL. Oh well, if I think about it, and like you, I have a lot to be grateful for. A roof over my head, food in my stomach, family, and a future to do with as I please. Everything else is just details, but I want them to be the best details they can, and being an addict, I want to feel as good as possible, and from trial and error I know that good feeling is only sustainable through working out and eating well, and petting a cat if you have one (nothing dirtty there haha)

It feels good to finally be typing something positive, and maybe even funny. Thats me…Im not really a huge complainer unless I reeeeally feel like ass. Happy humpday friends!! Xoxoxo