Feeling a Tad bit Merry ;)

So things have been recovering nicely, and progressively getting better…I’m caught up mentally physically spiritually, and Christmas shopping is done. Yeahhh

Also, laundry done, hair dyed, nails did and NOT SICK, FUCK YAAA!!! Hahaha, coming from a person who’s been sick TWiCE in the past 2 weeks. Brutality!!

I think the most significant thing I could write about right now, is that I am an ametuer escort who just landed her first job, say, a month and a half ago. I was stoked, and I worked as much as I could at first, under the agreement that we would go about and find out what worked for me in terms of how many shifts/days per week I could work etc. even though I have a pretty open schedule in life It came down to how much I could mentally physically spiritually handle working per week/month.

And after that first month of working 6 or 5 days a week I came to the conclusion that  it would best for me to work one month on one month off. But since  thats not really reasonable and kind of crazy, I think 3 or 4 days a week would be plenty. I definately went a little hard on myself like i usally do. I could even be okay with working 2 or 3 because Im not greedy, and I value my health and sanity over money and wealth any fucking day of the week.

I’m soo happy to be off until the new year. I was a good girl and saved.

I think in the new yaer I’m going to buy myself a bicycle and do some exploring of this city. Hell, it’s a beautiful city and it would be a shame to have moved here just to hermit out in an apartment and not check out all the beaches and forests and mountains!! and did I say beaches!?! Lovely just lovely the opoortunities when not blinded and anchored by a drug.

Speaking of drugs, yep I lost another fiend, I mean friend, and gained another old friend that resurfaced and is moving back to the mainland. YAY! Glad to have a real motha fucka back, and to have shed a shady mofucka. Lucky girl I am, i love karma.

Karma serves me good, take the bad with the good, good ryhmes with should, and I’m a hellava rhymer. o crap i smoked some weed. LoVe XoxoxoxXoxoxox

Love all you lovers Xo

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It feels good to make good decisions

It’s true, that doing the right thing, even when no ones watching, feels really darn good. After making that decision yesterday, I’m feeling a lot better, definately less depressed and more optimistic and content with life. I went out handing out resumes today, it was bright and sunny and fucking freezing, but I was happy and I’m actually really excited to possibly be employed at this really awesome place that is right up my alley, so to say.

And this is just one of a serious of good decisions I’ve made in my first year clean. Yep I’m coming up to my One Year clean!! Wow!! I’ve never, ever been able to kick the drugs for this long, and I’m so proud of myself. Life is amazing, and for once, this feels like a permanent change for me. It’s really amazing and wonderful the relationship I have now with my fam. That means so much more to me than money, or drugs, or dishonesty. That’s one of the main reasons I am able to stay clean, and make good decisions, for the most part any way! Even when I make mistakes, the reason why I care to fix them and learn from them and grow n all that good stuff, is because I hate being dishonest with my family, and it’s so hard to be open about making bad decisions…especially when I don’t want to fix them. Which I inevitably will, but there’s still that time between making the mistake and wanting to fix it. The time when it doesn’t seem like so much of a bad idea, like me with my dream of being an escort, LOL. Not really something ya wanna be talking about to the fam. Get my point? Ya, we’re all human…I just like to write about it!!

Oh, and get this! Today, after I got back from handing out resumes, I got a call from this guy I know (friend in my building) and he let’s me know I have a job for winter with the company he works for, I just have to send in my resume! So it really is true, that good things come to those who try. And it wasn’t even that bad, I just threw myself together and went out with some resumes. It was fucking freezing but I was happy. This is the first time I have gone job hunting for years. After all, the past 3 years I’ve been a dope shootin’ little skank with violent criminal tendancies. Haha. Sounds worse than it is…but it was bad, I was completely insane. I’m surprised I came back from that person, and that I didn’t die.

Anyway, enough of that! Just I’d be completely open and thorough on my blog. I can’t be expressing myself as this person who is just a normal day-to-day average joe, this is my recovery blog..and I have been to fucking hell and back. Thank you for reading!!

My first post…

Hey, So I’m really excited to finally be online, sharing my writing with the world. Now I realize at this time I probably don’t have any followers, and that’s okay because it takes the stress off me and allows me to write freely, until I get used to the fact I’m posting my innermost thoughts and experiences with the world, no big D.

So I know this is kind of just starting off with no background of me, but I’m not gonna start writing about all my past history right now because that would be really boring for me and that’s not why I’m here. I’m sure it will all get filled in over time, and you can kind of take a guess by reading my Intro, or whatever that paragraph is up above!

I’ll start out by letting you know I’ve picked up my account again on Seeking Arrangment, yep I’m trying to find myself a sugar daddy. For me, I’ve never had much money, I’ve never been spoiled by a man, and never lived the easy life of luxury and shopping like nothing matters and spending money frivolously. And it’s not like that’s all that I want, I do want the relationship part of it too. But I just think it’s an interesting adventure and hey, I’m single, I’m young why the F not, right?!?! I think it is pretty much every girls dream to be swept up off her feet by a nice rich man and wined and dined and given a little extra spending money to do as she pleases, I mean comon who wouldn’t love that. So ya I’m giving that another go. The last date I went on the guy fell in love with me and wanted me to commit to a serious relationship after the first date. He’s like but I need to have babies soon and I was like BLOCK AND DELETE. No haha he actually blocked me. But whatever. SO I’m giving it another go…wish me luck!

On another note, I was chatting with my grandma on the phone, who is amazing and we were talking about my cousin who we suspect is using drugs…and totally fucking with his mom and grandma and the family and being all fucked and so we were talking about how since I went through addiction and my mother and my family have been through dealing with me when I was in the worst of it, if they would reach out to us because it always helps to ask someone who’s been through it to share their wisdom and insight…or just what worked for them. It’s always the best to include people and ask for help, rather then trying to do things alone.

And this conversation sparked a whole bunch of other chatting about how I’m learning to give back and help other young girls in need and in addiction before it gets to bad and the worst, leads to death, and that would be awful. So that is my dream, and so we were talking and she said how I am blessed with insight, and she’s right I feel so grateful to have this gift of insight that I hope to channel and use to help people! And it is so much easier to start with the help of someone else, and this conversation was so inspiring that I asked my grama is she’d like to start a blog with me, and so ya! Once that’s up and running, I will post the link to it here, on my personal blog.

Anyway, that’s a sneak peek on that, and a little introduction to me. I’m super excited to be starting my own blog. I’ve been nervous and shy to so it for so long, and my computer skills are just starting to get good. I could honestly never even write on the computer before, not because of my typing skills but I would just get writers block when I would start a work document, but I could write like hell in a diary with pen and ink. I’ve filled up more then a dozen tablets I assume. Good times, bad times, horrible times and schemes and dreams and letters and all sorts of shite. Yeah I love writing, it’s always been a part of me and is becoming more and more of a thing for me, I would like to one day use my writing to help people, guide people, answer questions or brainstorm and find answers and simply just write beautiful things that make you feel good. The internet is such a big place, it’s  intimidating but so exciting! Thanks for reading my first post.