the Guilt of Reality

Today is a tough day for me. I took the day off. I desparately need it, although I’ve only been working for over a month, it’s been nearly everyday and for 10-12 hours at a time. Needless to say, all other parts of my usual life have been suffering greatly, and the one big guilt i have is the lack of time I have been spending with my mum. I let her in on what I have been doing, and I’m sure thats hard enough on her. She knows that this is just a temporary gig for me, and that I’m just trying to reach some financial goals that I have been unable to attain in the past 5+ years. It’s sad, but it’s really difficult to save for anything, especially when you’re a woman with no real skills and a looming drug addiction. Well atleast I’m not going down that road again, thats one thing I know for sure, and one less thing to feel guilty about.

It’s weird, for me I have always felt this underlying sense of guilt, even when I’m not doing anything wrong…it’s like I feel guilty just for being me…LOL. That’s some wack shit right there…no wonder I drink. Haha. But anyways, that feeling has been lessening the more sober time I have, and the more comfortable I am in my skin. And I don’t want to let this get away from me again, I want to stay on top of my sense of confidence, and be the one in control of what I do. See I have a huge problem with saying no to people, and I desparately want to ask for less days  a week of work, but I am being manipulated to work more, which wouldn’t be a bad thing if I could find some infinite source of energy and time and be able to fit in all the things I love in my time off, which is fucking clearly inpossible since all I want to do when I come home is lay in bed. Thats sad. LoL. But atleast I’m aware of what I want, and now I just gotta figure out how to ask for it and make it happen. I figure I will do it some time after christmas, since I will obviously be taking christmas off and Im sure I’ll muster up some courage to demand what I want. And it’s not like it’s that unfair or obnoxious to want to work only 3-4 days a week instead of 5-6 and those are long days.

Anyways I dont want to bore y’all with my boring stuff. I’m finding great relief in reading other bloggers stuff…there are some amazing and interesting writers out there that help inspire me, get me through the day…yep its pretty awesome. And today is one of those days where I’m gonna stay in bed and nerd out on my computer because I deserve it 🙂 Maybe I’ll hit the gym…

LoVe Xoxox

Happy holidays ho ho hos

Hello lovers So I’m finally feeling back to normal. Normal! LOL. Thats a joke. But anyways, I’m my throat is all better and my head is not acheing so I’m good to go! It’s been a good few days at work, with only one incident…that I don’t really want to get into…but anyways! I went out for a drink with my sexy boss last night which was just what I needed. My social life has really been suffering (not that it was so fabulous before) but what I mean is with the hours I work it’s difficult to plan with friends or even just muster up the energy to want to socialize, and not just fall onto my bed and watch tv until the wee hours. So it was nice to get out a little last night. I also got to go out with my girlfriend on Friday and have some much needed girl time and talk about all the shit I’ve been doing. Because yes some of you were right, drugs are a part of the escorting life style and I have been using here and there. But it’s a novely thing, and I’m sure the novelty will wear thin soon enough. and it already is.

And one thing I do know is that I don’t enjoy doing blow. Well it’s weird, I do and I don’t. I guess it depends on the situation, and I really only enjoy doing a little, not a lot, like a whole night bender, that shit is way too hard on my system. I really only enjoy doing it with another girl, and in a fun social situation, like it’s fun to do duos with some blow to make it more exciting, but other than that, the drug is kinda lame, and expensive.

But my real pressing issue thats been kind of getting to me, and the one thing I must tell you is I have mainly been working by myself, and I’m getting pretty lonely…I wish there was another girl here working with me. It’s funny cuz I have always enjoyed my own company and working alone…but I guess too much of a “good” thing is enough for me…I want company dammit! Lol. It’s fun having another girl to work with, and gossip with and talk shit about the men we take money from hahaha. So I mentioned this to the bosses (well not the gory details) and hopefully there will be another girl here soon. I hope. For my sanity’s sake.

Anyways… time for me to eat my dinner and chill for a bit before my next booking.

LoVe xoxoxo

Lonely life of an Escort

So I feel really lonely lately…I’ve been working everyday and the place I’m working out of is a condo and I’m the only girl here most of the time, and it feels like I spend my whole life here. I was really sick starting last friday through to monday and had to come into work for tuesday still not feeling 100%. And it’s been pretty slow because of the holidays I suppose, but Im really feeling pressued by the boss’s and it really fucking feels not very happy right now. Im bitchy and I don’t even want to be here, I’ve been blowing my little amount of money Ive made in the past few days on dope cuz I feel shitty and thats just making things worse. I have such a low temper threshold for idiots and unfortunately in this industry you get more bees with honey and we deal with a ton of morons. I gotta remember nothing is to be taken personally and it’s abou the money just like it’s about the sex with them. I guess my personal and social life is definately suffering, so Im bringing it into the work place and getting offended a lot and being bitchy at times and it’s not helping.

I’m going to just tell myself that I am still recovering from my sickness last week, and ya I fucked up with the dope, but things will get better. They always do after hard times. Life is so up and down, and I know from experience when life is shitty, if I try and make it better, it does get better. So im just going to try be more healthy, I have been not eating well and drinking a lot of alcohol, and plus being the only girl workig in this place is not good at all. I feel like a animal in a cage.

Anyway, reading other escorts adventures helps, it helps to know I am not the only woman who goes through these things, and that helps a lot. So thank you to all you girls out there Xo’s

Back to it Workin’ girl

I’m back to work…its been a fuzzy start…my head feels hazy and I can’t think very good but I saw my man “D”, I will call him. It’s a funny relationship we have, if you can call it that. He’s the one who gave me the “run-down” aka seen if I can fuck, for my escort agency interview. And give a wicked blow-job which I do 😉 So to tell you guys what’s up I started working with a girl who’s been here for 3 months, but J gave her the run down, D’s partner…so it was all like D was my guy, J was hers. So now…she’s gone And J interviewd a couple duds, and then D gave a few girls the rundown….and to be perfectly honest,… and not to toot my own horn, I am the reliable, tight n hot bitch around here. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel a little bit of jealousy. But please, I don’t let it get the best of me. I have been thrugh some pretty nasty relationships and hard times on the streets with drug addiction and competiton and I have my confidence in my self fully, I could take me or leave em at any time…and thats what makes me cold…and I (at some time) want to work on that…softening myself…making myself vulnerable… lol

Shit Im not gonna lie…Ive had a few tonight. Its my first night back at work in 4 days and I decided im gonna get drunk. and now I have hiccups and ya thats never a good idea to get drunk. But anyways I just wanted to share some drama and get this off my chest.

Love youuuu xoxoxoxox hunni

Sick Girl

So I’ve been working hard everyday for 3 weeks straight, took only 3 days off total and yep it caught up with me. I am sick, have been in bed for 3 days now but am starting to feel better so that is amazing. I have been taking 6 drops of oregano oil twice daily and I believe its a natural cure for sickness! I didn’t want to have to go to the doctor and take antibiotics, so hopefully this will kick it out of my system. Thankfully the only symptoms were sore throat and headache, plugged ears. No runny nose or coughing or sick stomach so I am super grateful for that. I think this was Gods way of saying I need to balance my life and not overwork myself. I was just so excited to start escorting and making that cash that I wanted to work as much as humanly possible. lol. But now I have to take some time off to get better fully and think about things.

It’s actually been nice to have an excuse to just relax in bed and watch TV read comso and be lazy lol. I did a little bit of shopping today, bought myself a good flat iron and a furry vest and boots and some red plaid pyjama pants 🙂 hehe. Retail therapy always works wonders because I always feel better after, especially if i stay within my budget!! Thank God I don’t have credit cards lol. Anyways now that I’ve spent some money on myself I suppose it’s that time of year where we spend money on the ones we love. So I gotta switch gears and once I start feeling more better I can focus my thinking on others and what I can do for my loved ones. Cuz if I’ve learned one thing in the last year of revocery, it’s that Family is number one. I love my family so much, and I have to remind myself constantly to put them first…because it doesn’t come naturally to me to be unselfish. It’s defintely something I have to work at. Hey I’m human too haha.

So let’s talk about escorting. People say “don’t do it for too long because it will fuck you up mentally” and blah blah blah, but to be perfectly honest I feel mentally stronger, more confident and happier to have cash in my pocket! My view on men hasn’t changed or gotten worse (which doesn’t say alot about my thoughts on men to start with lol) . The only downside to it is now I’m a workaholic, and my free time is strictly for eating and relaxing in bed alone. My social life is suffering, but to be honest again my social life was not that spectacular to begin with, so it’s nice to get to be social at work. It really is an all around good deal for me. I do not plan on escorting for the rest of my life, although I can see how it could be very addicting, because it is kind of an all consuming job. But it’s fun and well rounded. As long as we are staying safe and giving ourselves the self-care we need then all will be well.

To speak on the drug addiction in escorting, the agency I’m working out of is clean, there is no drugs to be used there  (it’s a small condo and theres only 1-3 girls there at any given time) and I have had only 2 clients so far who has done blow infront of me, and it didn’t make me want it, infact I would prefer if they didn’t do it because of coke-dick. lol. the first guy suffered from it, the second didn’t which was nice.

Thats all for me today, happy to be blogging again my friends xoxoxo

Hot New POST!!

Hey babes so it’s been forever since I’ve updated ya’ll on my life. and my escorting. It’s going amazing btw!!

On my first day I brought my ghetto as laptop which decided it was going to bite the dust, hence why I have not posted anything for a long while. So I finally saved up enough to buy myself a hot little tablet and used my day off to go run around buying things I need, since i am working 6 days a week now shitttt. But it’s amazing, I have never loved a job like I love this, I can really be myself, and the money is madddd, Ive never seen this much cash.

So ya Im super excited to be back bloggin and I get to read all you other escorts adventures and YA! Im just so happy. Im glad I didn’t listen to all the haters who said I would just be a hole to all those guys. Well guess what, all they are is a bank account to me and I love sex and hate commitment!!! I love being just a hole. hahaha, that sounds terrible, but its true. Maybe Im a little bit of a sociopath but I am perfectly happy and satisfied to fuck all day, take my fat stack of cash home and crawl in to my bed all by myself and sleep peacefully. I dont need no man! This life is perfect, for the time being anyway. And Im so proud of myself for going for it, because as I’ve said before I have always wanted to be this girl but was too chicken to take the leap. So proud of myself.

Well now that I’ve said all that, I guess I can get into some more details next time 🙂 and once I’m used to using this keyboard lol. xoxoxoxox

thank you for reading and stay tuned hunnis !!! 😉

First day as an escort

So Some things changed in the past 2 days, I could write a frickin’ novel of the events but I won’t do that..I’ll just tell you the exciting parts!

So it’s pretty clear that I am a bad girl. Bad, bad girl. Some shit went down yesterday, I have an issue with shoplifting, I think it has a lot to do with the fact I have grown up and lived in poverty my entire life, and so it’s a terrible habit I developed when I was in the depths of addiction, and unfortunately it has carried over into my clean life. And I know it’s wrong, it’s been weighing on my conscience lately and I’ve been telling myself I should stop doing it, and I know theres not excuse other than it is purely impulsive. And I’ve been getting away with it for so long, but yesterday I got caught. Stealing food because I ran out of money and I am hungry.

It was a huge scare, thank god they didn’t press charges and I thought I was going to get kicked out of my building but I came clean and I got a second chance. I will never shoplift again ever. Scared the life out of me and I’m so grateful not to have a record. I can’t believe I would take risks like that, but I guess that’s all part of the addictive mind…risk taking…impulsiveness…so that’s something I am seriously going to put under the microscope and do some serious work and councelling around because I don’t want to get in trouble with the law or lose my housing.

So after that giant scare I called buddy who runs the escort agency, because I thought I was going to be kicked out of my low income housing, and asked for that interview I was supposed to have last week. Anyways, I had the interview tonight and it was amazing, he was such a gentleman, we went for tea and talked and then he brought me to the condo where I met the other girl I will be working with.

He said he will get along so well because she’s just like me, cute, bubbly, smiley and a sweetheart. And ya! It was a great start, he took some photos of my in lingerie and these hot knee high boots, as well as naked, then we went through the process, and it was fucking hot. We layed down and started kissing, then I gave him some head and we fucked 3 different ways before he came. First on my back, which was mm so good, then I got on top, then he took me from behind me on all fours. It was damn good. And it’s nice because theres showers and it’s really private and it’s just the 2 of us girls, and security.

I’m so happy that I changed my mind and had the guts to actually go for the interview, because after that horrible date last week I was very skeptical of men in general. But this turned out to be very professional and real, unlike the goofs off seeking arrangement. So that was my first day on the job, and tomorrow is my real first day on the job, I start in the morning.

Wish me luck ❤